“I’m fat, I live with my mother, I’m lazy, not fit, retarded, a douchebag, and no talent. Whatelse you wanna know? also, I’m a farting machine I like kitties.”

“Don’t swipe right unless you are serious about getting married.”

“I like to watch midget porn.”

“I’m looking forward to ridiculing others with you”

“I’m an international man of mystery.”

“4’3”, 2 inch penis, erectile disfunction, can only turn left, my mother dresses me every morning, and I have an IQ of almost 48 which some doctors may call, “mentally retarded””

“I’m your favorite song you just don’t know the woorrds :-P”

“Vagina is the home of the penis”

“country music, campaign, chillin with my kitty just trying to live the dream”

“I’m totally the cat’s meow.”

“To my future wife….When I die I want you to mix my ashes in a bowl of chili, then eat it. Just so I can tear that ass up one more time. Professional cook and just about everything I do is amazing”

Continuous list. Lost a couple of horrendous ones.


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