So, I use Tinder….

  1. The most popular quote is “All I’ve had today is, like, six gummy bears and some scotch.”
  2. Working in beer is apparently extremely attractive to guys.
  3. There are already bots on Tinder, but only using female profiles to get the males.
  4. Many users, female and males, don’t chat on Tinder. Leaves me confused as to why they are on the app.
  5. If there is a group of people in the profile photo, the user is the ugliest person in the photo. Guaranteed.
  6. If their profile photo has a trimmed beard, it won’t be that length when you meet them.
  7. The more they say they like humour or interesting conversation, the more boring they are to talk to.
  8. Males like fishing, beer, trucks/cars. Females like horses.

Shirtless picture = looking for sex

No bio = looking for sex

Start a conversation by asking to hang out = looking for sex

Start a conversation by asking for sex = looking for sex

Conclusion: Tinder hosts a pool of boring, hairy, drunk, ugly, Archer-loving people looking for sex.

So I use Tinder.



“I’m fat, I live with my mother, I’m lazy, not fit, retarded, a douchebag, and no talent. Whatelse you wanna know? also, I’m a farting machine I like kitties.”

“Don’t swipe right unless you are serious about getting married.”

“I like to watch midget porn.”

“I’m looking forward to ridiculing others with you”

“I’m an international man of mystery.”

“4’3”, 2 inch penis, erectile disfunction, can only turn left, my mother dresses me every morning, and I have an IQ of almost 48 which some doctors may call, “mentally retarded””

“I’m your favorite song you just don’t know the woorrds :-P”

“Vagina is the home of the penis”

“country music, campaign, chillin with my kitty just trying to live the dream”

“I’m totally the cat’s meow.”

“To my future wife….When I die I want you to mix my ashes in a bowl of chili, then eat it. Just so I can tear that ass up one more time. Professional cook and just about everything I do is amazing”

Continuous list. Lost a couple of horrendous ones.